I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
