I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
