I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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