I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
