I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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