When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
