let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
