how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
3 2 1 whiskey
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
