he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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