i think my mom watched the whole time
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
