I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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