like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
