She's JV to your varsity
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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