Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
