Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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