remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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