note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
