Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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