my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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