I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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