So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
