Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
