Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
