Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
