I'm going to jail i love you
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
