eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize