Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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