hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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