And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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