Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
