I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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