I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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