let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
