I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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