I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
