When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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