Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
