I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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