if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
