someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
