Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
