I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
