Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
