ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
