I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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