I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize