You were right. It hurts to walk today.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
