How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
