We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
