Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
