I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
