and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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