um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
