im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize