Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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