what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This house was built for laser tag.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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