You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
