its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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