If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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