If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
