I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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