I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
