well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
