meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
