Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
