never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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