I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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