she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
